Heal What's Left

The first time my father let us help in planting when we were young, I had taken one look at the wriggling worm on the sack of soil we were playing with and was immediately amazed at how wonderful nature was. The wriggling worm had made me stare and realize that somehow, it was helping make the plants grow. That was how I knew; I was going to become an environmentalist of some sort when I grew up.

I had seen documentaries and heard speeches of melting ice on the polar areas, of forest fires, of pollution, of dying animals and others that just keep depicting the dying earth. That continued to push me to become what I wanted to be so that’s how I had ended up as a student of agricultural engineer. It was the nearest thing I could study that the circumstances of my life allowed me. My dream job however was to be an environmental engineer that creates for the sake of nature and my country.

What are stopping me from becoming one are my own insecurities, the fear of the future, and lack recognition of innovation in my country.

My insecurities include the well-known ‘what if I’m not good enough?’ because I get disappointed right before I can prove myself to myself. I’ve always had problems with believing in myself so sometimes I don’t think I can become what I want no matter how I much I want it.

The fear of the future of what will happen; it is the uncertainty that clouds everyone who knows that there is a decision to make and such decision will change something big in their lives. I desperately want to be sure that I can become something and that I can affect even the slightest bit of change. I don’t to become a failure. I don’t want to be afraid of something that hasn’t happened yet.

There are so many great minds and many great ideas here yet they lack recognition and attention so they keep getting ignored. It’s so painful to see something that would’ve been great for us had it have support simply get away or taken by other countries. There are great inventors among us and there simply is not enough attention given so it’s not used by us. That stops me because what use is there on trying when no one else is? What’s the use of creating when no one will use it?

But, if I let all these stop me, then my dream job will remain in my dream so I don’t want to think of this as things that ‘stop’ me, no, they are simply ‘obstacles’ that I will overcome.

karyan Conception, Romblon, Mimaropa, Philippines